Things that Doctor who characters will never say
by lozza1989
Summary: The Characters of Doctor who decide to make lists of things they'll never say. For comedy purposes only, not to be taken seriously.


Things the Doctor would never say

One morning the Doctor was sat in his Tardis, writing on a piece of paper when Rose came walking in and asked what he was up to.

"Oh I'm just writing a list of things I would never say" the Doctor replied.

"Why are you doing this?" Rose asked, folding her arms.

"So I can remind myself that I cannot say these words and it's because i'm also bored" the Doctor replied as he finished the list and handed it over to Rose " there, have a read of that and tell me what you think." Rose looked at him with a raised eyebrow before sitting on the pilot chair and began reading through the Doctor's list of things he would never say. This is what was written on the list.

_Hello, I am the Doctor and the following things you are about to read will be things I will never say_.

_Number one- Captain Jack harkness will you marry me._

_Number two-Does my bum look big in this?_

_Number three-Oh I just loved getting slapped by my companions mothers, it gives me such a rush._

_Number four-(singing) hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal._

_Number five-Cashier number eight please._

_Number six-You know Rose, you're a nice girl and all but I have a confession to make, Captain Jack has offered to be my soul mate, because I'm gay._

_Number seven-I am the Doctor ruler of the Earth, all humans will bow before me and do my bidding, muahahahahahahahaha._

_Number eight-I'm a Pimp and Rose is my hoe._

_Number nine-You got any pears, those things are delicious, much better than bananas._

_Number ten-You know something, I've had enough of saving the human race so instead I'm going to take the Tardis to Barcelona to get a tan and the human race can go sort it's own problems out._

_Number eleven-So, is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?_

_Number twelve-I want my teddy bear, where is my Mister cuddlyums._

_Number Thirteen-Allonsy is such a boring word now, from now on I'm gonna scream COWABUNGA._

_Number fourteen-Who's a cute little Dalek, you are, you are._

_Number fifteen-You know Miss Donna noble, I do love a screaming red headed woman._

_Number sixteen-Alright, who's eaten all my cookies?_

_Number seventeen-You know something Rose, your mum is well fit._

_Number Eighteen-Oh Captain Jack is flirting with everyone again, he's so cute when he does that._

_Number nineteen-Spiky hair is so last year, Shaven heads are so in fashion these days so I'm going to have all my hair shaved off._

_Number twenty-man I'm so god damn wasted._

_Number twenty one-Hello you have reached the Doctor, unfortunately he is not available at the moment, please leave your message after the beep._

_Number Twenty two-I hate Humans, Daleks are far more interesting._

_Number Twenty three-I'm getting kind of bored with being called Doctor so I'm Changing my name to the Homeboy._

_Number Twenty four-I'm off to paint the Tardis Pink, do not disturb me._

_Number Twenty five-(singing) shake your ass, watch yourself, show me what ya working with._

_Number twenty six-Let's fire up the Tardis._

_Number twenty seven-Smack my bitch up._

_Number twenty eight-I Doctor take thee Dalek to be my life long partner for ever and ever amen._

_Number twenty nine-(meeting his Eleventh self) My, what a big chin you have._

_Number thirty-Jack, you are a great soft sissy girly poofter boy._

After she finished reading the list, Rose couldn't help but laugh whilst the Doctor waited for her to say what she thought of the list.

"Well I can't see you saying any of these things" she pointed out as she handed the list back to the Doctor.

"Yes, now I must re-read through this list to remind myself that I mustn't say all them things" he pointed out, putting the list in his pocket as Rose continued to giggle.

"Do you think I should Write a list of things I'll never say?" she asked " then you can have a read and tell me what you think once I've finished it."

"Yeah that's a good idea" the Doctor replied "let me just find you a pen and paper then you can get started." He then went further into the Tardis while Rose waited patiently and he came back a few minutes later, carrying a pen and paper.

"Here you go madam, write down all the stuff that you'll never say and then show it to me when you're done" he told her.

"OK Doctor" Rose replied before proceeding to write her list of things that she'll never say whilst the Doctor went to the kitchens to make himself a banana milkshake.

"OK, now what shall I write down?" Rose thought to herself, tapping the pen against her chin "ah ha, I know exactly what to put." She then put the pen to the piece of paper and then started writing down a list of things that she would never say.

Coming up in the next chapter, Rose makes a list of things she'll never say and Captain Jack arrives to join in the fun.


End file.
